


Senior Year: All or Nothing

by hollsteinhasruinedme



Series: The Sixteen [3]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, M/M, The whole gang is here, at some point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:49:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollsteinhasruinedme/pseuds/hollsteinhasruinedme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura Hollis is not a troublemaker. She's not. It's just that sometimes old habits die hard, and besides... repeating history isn't such a bad idea when Carmilla Karnstein is wearing thigh highs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Senior Year: All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> your fave problematic's are back ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

_“Yo, Hollis! Stop playing that depressing music and open your damn window!”_

I sigh and sit up, and swinging my feet over the edge of my bed, I stand up.

I walk over to my window and roll my eyes when I see my two best friends crouching on my roof, smirking at me. I open my window and they literally fall inside, tumbling over me. “Ow.”

Carmilla growls. “You know, every single time you say ‘ow’ you’re always the one to land on people.”

Kirsch stands up and helps us up before giving us a sheepish smile. “Sorry.”

“I’m sure you are,” I say, walking back over to my bed and collapsing on it.

They look at each before coming over and sitting on my bed. “Okay -”

“You guys realize you could have just used my front door, correct?”

They shrug. “Seriously though, you’re playing Avril Lavigne, are you okay?”

I scoff, sit up and glare at them. “When You’re Gone is an amazing song and does not deserve your unhealthy criticism.”

They both reach into the back of their pockets and pull out a folded piece of paper. I sigh because, yeah, I have the same one but it couldn’t be any different. “Didn’t you get your schedule, lil nerd?”

I sit at my desk chair, flip off the music and cross my arms. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I don’t have any classes with you guys.”

_“What?!”_

It was true, we all took at least three classes together. Which, normally would be hard to do, but we filled up our schedules this year, so we had room to make sure that happened. We all signed up for AP Chemistry, AP Physics and Yearbook.

And of course, that leaves five others classes to separately take, minus study hall. And since we’re seniors, we all have to take history and calculus, but _noooo_ , I couldn’t get any of those classes with my best friends. “I’m serious!”

“Let me see your schedule,” Carmilla says, holding out her hand. I reach behind me and grab it off my desk, throwing it in her direction. She unfolds it and her and Kirsch start reading it under their breath. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“Seriously, you can’t split up bros… it’s not cool.”

I run a hand through my hair. “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it so… I guess it’s just gonna have to happen.”

Kirsch and Carmilla look at each other, and then they smirk and oh no. “Uh, not exactly dude. School doesn’t start for another five days.”

“And if memory serves me correctly, I _am_ pretty good at picking locks.”

Kirsch chuckles. “Also, if memory serves _me_ correctly, it is pretty easy to access student schedule files.”

I shake my head. “No way, absolutely not. No freaking way.” They give me a look and I scoff. “We are _not_ breaking into another school, you guys!”

“Come on, we’re gonna be seniors!”

“No!”

Kirsch looks at Carmilla, smiles and then puts his hand out, palm down. “All or nothing?”

She smirks and puts her hand on top of his. “All or nothing.”

I’m biting my lip so hard I’m pretty sure that the metallic taste in my mouth is blood and not the regret that I’m about to face.

I place my hand on top of Carmilla’s.

“I hate you guys.”

They laugh. “We know.”

**_8:46 pm_ **

This really is a bad idea.

But… apparently Kirsch’s Mom made cookies. So... cookies first, panic and regret later.

Am I right?

“Cupcake, could you literally stop bouncing your leg, I’m going to fucking kill you.”

I turn and glare at her, raising an eyebrow and bouncing my leg faster. “I’ll stop when you learn some manners, Carmilla.”

She bites her lips and then sighs, sitting back against the black leather of Kirsch’s truck. “I’m sorry,” she says, looking down at her hands.

My mouth drops open and Kirsch looks at me through his rearview mirror. “Can I record that apology for your ringtone, _please_?”

She huffs. “Stuff it, asshole.”

“Are you okay?” I ask.

She raises an eyebrow. “What? I’m not allowed to be nice once in a while?”

I smile widely. “No, it’s just really cute when you are.”

“Go away,” she mumbles and I laugh. I lean over a little and kiss her cheek but,

Oh god, she's _blushing_.

She actually freaking blushing.

If my heart wasn’t melted before it definitely is now. “You’re blushing.”

“I am not!”

I grin and wrap my arms around her waist, leaning my head on her shoulder. The seat belt burn is totally worth it. “Hollis?”

“Hmm?”

“I hate you.”

I smile. “No, you really don’t.”

And as much as she wanted to deny it… we both know it’s true.

**_9:07 pm_ **

Before Kirsch even cuts the engine, I’m out of the car, running around to the other side and pulling my friend’s doors open. “Come on!”

“Laura, they’re cookies… chill.”

Carmilla laughs as we walk up the steps to the house. “Seriously, you’re not even supposed to have any.”

“Shh! Mama Kirsch doesn’t know that.”

We have as Kirsch opens the door, letting us in. I walk in, take my shoes off, put them on the welcome mat and rush to the kitchen.

“Hey, Laura, did you want some cookies?”

“I think you already know the answer to that,” I smile, walking over to her and leaning on the counter. “How are you?”

Kirsch and Carmilla walk in. “Hey Mama,” they say.

“Children,” she addresses them and then turns back to me, giving me a smile. “I’m good, Laura, how are you?”

I shrug. “I’ve been better. I just found out that I don’t have any classes with Kirsch or Carm so… everything just kind of sucks right now.”

She frowns and then Kirsch walks over and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “If it’s cool with you, they’re gonna spend the night because Carm and I want to go talk to the administrative board or whatever tomorrow to get her schedule fixed.”

She sighs as the timer on the oven goes off. She puts on an oven mit, opens the oven and retrieves the cookies, setting the pans on the top of the oven. “Kirsch, honey, you know it’s fine with me I just wish you would have called because I’m pretty sure I don’t have enough cookies.”

He frowns. “There’s like three dozen cookies.”

“In case you didn’t notice, you lack wit, Laura’s here,” Carm says, nudging my shoulder. Mama Kirsch laughs and scoops the cookies off the pans and onto a large plate.

“Here,” she says, handing the plate to her son. I basically start drooling because her cookies are honestly the most amazing food item to ever exist on this planet.

Kirsch moves the plate away from me. “Calm down, savage.”

I whine. “Ugh whatever, I haven’t had a cookie in months!”

Carmilla laughs, making her way to the stairs. “There’s a reason for that, cupcake.”

I grab a cookie off the plate and shove it in my mouth before following her up the stairs. “You know, Carmilla, I’m getting really tired of your judgemental shit!”

“Well would you look at that! Little Laura’s got some fire in her!” Mama Kirsch calls, and I can hear her laughing. It makes me smile.

We get up to Kirsch’s room and shut the door. He sets the plate of cookies down and pulls a roll of plastic wrap out of his dresser.

“What the fu -”

“Don’t ask, please,” he interrupts. Carm frowns but shrugs her shoulders as he wraps the cookies.

“Uh… excuse you, I wasn’t finished with those?”

He holds his hands up. “Chill, lil nerd. We’re saving them for later, you know… for like fast energy.”

I sigh. “Okay.”

It’s gonna be hard but Carmilla’s laughing... so honestly, maybe I’ll be okay until later.

**_12:03 am_ **

One empty plate of cookies later, we’re in Kirsch’s truck driving towards our high school. “So, you guys are sure we’re not going to get caught?”

There’s a pause and then they both laugh. “Nope! But that’s the joy in breaking the rules, right Kirsch?”

He honks his horn twice. “Damn right.”

When we finally get to the high school, we drive around and park in the back by the football field and hop out. Carmilla brought a hand full of the smallest allen wrenches I’ve ever seen in my life, a handful of paper clips, big and small and a handful of bobby pins. “Uh… Carm?”

She smirks at me. “What’s up cutie?” she asks, putting the tools in a ziplock bag.

“Exactly how many times have you picked locks?”

She laughs and puts an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her. And if I wasn’t blushing before, because… let’s be honest, Carmilla Karnstein in a black dress? That’s enough to make pornstars blush. But with her pulling me into her, laughing and her breath tickling my ear, I’m blushing like a little child. “Don’t think you should know the answer to that, babe,” she quips, pushing me gently away from her. “Also, you’re really cute when you blush,” she says and gives me a wink.

Was that…

Was she just…?

Was she flirting with me?

I shake my head as we climb the few steps to the back entrance.

_Yeah, you wish, Hollis._

Kirsch walks in first and Carmilla holds the door open for me. “After you, m’lady.”

“T-Thanks…”

__

_Get it together, Hollis, come on._

We walk down the hallway, past the girls locker room, the weight room, and the art room before making a right and then a fast left; which just lead us to more stairs to climb. We jogged up to the first floor, and then the second. I pull on the door handles, but they won’t budge. “Move aside, losers.”

She gets down on her knees and pulls out the bag of allen wrenches, paper clips and bobby pins. She pulls out an allen wrench and a paper clip. She slides the wrench into the lock, the bent part connected to the door and then breaks the paper clip in half.

Fifteen seconds later, the doors are open. “Impressive, Karnstein.”

“Thanks, beefcake, gotta impress the ladies, am I right?”

And then she winks at me again, and maybe it’s just the altitude of being on the second floor but I’m kind of having a hard time breathing normally.

Definitely just the high altitude.

Kirsch looks at me and smirks. Am I really that obvious?

I sigh when we get to the staircase at the end of the english hallway. We jog carefully down the two flights of stairs and check the window on the door before cracking it open. We walk out into the main lobby, past the receptionist desk and take a left to get to the main office door.

Carmilla gets down on her knees, again and repeats the process she did earlier.

When she finally gets the door open, Kirsch holds up a hand. “You guys wait out here, in case the door locks from the inside too, okay?” he says, glancing back at us. “Let Daddy do his work.”

Carmilla and I make gagging noises. “Don’t _ever_ say that again, oh my god.”

He laughs and disappears into the main office.

Carm pulls out her phone, and the light bounces off the wall and her face and makes her look like some kind of goddess.

Not like she wasn’t before, but, you know. “Uh, cutie? Not that I care, but you’re staring.”

I blink and duck my head, pushing some hair behind my ear. “Uh… sorry, you just uh… you have an eyelash on your cheek?”

I look back up and she’s smirking. “I just took a selfie. No I don’t.”

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. She brings a finger up to my lips. I gulp and she laughs.

“You really need to stop being so obvious,” she states. And then her hands are on my waist and she’s pushing me back against the wall and wow...

I’m breathing _really_ hard.

It’s kind of dark, but with the moonlight coming in from the nearby window I can see her dark eyes. “Carm… what are you -”

She presses her forehead against mine and I stop talking. “You’re breathing really hard, you know,” she whispers, her hands gripping my waist a little bit tighter.

“Uh… y-yeah,” I take a shaky breath, “that’s your fault though.”

She smiles a little and at this point I’m pretty sure my heart as completely stopped because she’s freaking smiling and I can feel her breath on my lips and _ohmygodwhatthefreakingheck_

She pushes some hair behind my ear and brings her hand back to my waist. I clear my throat a little. “Um, what’re you thinking?”

She laughs quietly. “I’m thinking that friends can like friends in a not so platonic way.”

I chuckle nervously and look to the right. It doesn’t matter, though, because she uses one of her fingers and puts it under my chin to bring our faces back together.

“If I’m wrong, just tell me and I won’t do what I’m about to.”

I shake my head and let out another shaky breath. “You’re not wrong,” I whisper.

She brings a hand up and runs two fingers over my bottom lip.

And then she’s kissing me.

My hands are clasped around her forearms and fireworks are being set off in the pit of my stomach. The kiss is soft, and our lips move smoothly and slowly over each others and I just _can’t freaking breathe because wow._

She grips my waist harder and pulls me into her completely. I gasp and then she bites my bottom lip and slides her tongue into my mouth. I bring my hands up and grip her shoulders, pulling her into me as well.

We’re so close at this point that we’re basically one person. And the thought that I’m kissing someone who’s wearing a black dress with thigh highs isn’t enough.

It’s the fact that I’m kissing _Carmilla Karnstein._

She could be wearing a freaking trash bag and I’d be turned on.

She slides her hands under my shirt and up my back, scratching it lightly. I whimper and she sucks on my bottom lip before she pulls back.

Well, _now_ I’m not kissing her.

The fact should upset me, but I’m too busy trying to not die from hyperventilating. So… maybe not kissing her right now is a plus.

She slides her fingers between mine and squeezes my hands. “Laura…?”

I open my eyes and take a deep, shaky breath. “Uh huh?”

“Are you okay?”  

I give her a half smile. “I’m… more than okay.”

She lets out a breath and releases our hands, taking a step back and running a hand through her hair and god damn it that’s _so_ not fair.

_Who even looks that good?_

“So, uh... did you want to -”

The door swings open and I sigh irritably. Kirsch is standing there, triumphantly holding his arms in the air, smirk on his face. “Fucking nailed it, ladies. We’re in AP Chem, AP Physics, Yearbook, History, Calculus and P.E together.”

I grit my teeth.

I love Kirsch to death, because he’s my best friend. But right now I want to kill him.

Really badly.

He brings his arms down and frowns. “Did I miss something?”

Carmilla smirks. “Nothing you would want to see.”

He groans. “Did you guys do that stupid 9th grade formal dance again?” He’s waiting for an answer, but he doesn’t get one because we both start laughing.

_My dress isn’t anything compared to what some of the other girls in my grade are wearing, but my Dad picked it out for me, so it was more than special. It has a bedazzled, hiphugger waist top and a flowing pastel purple bottom that goes down to my knees._

__

_My Dad smiles at me. “Sweetheart, you look amazing,” he says, tears glinting in his eyes._

_I hug him tightly and chuckle. “Thanks, Daddy, but you promised you wouldn’t cry.”_

_“I know, it’s just… you’re fourteen and you’re already growing up so fast.” I laugh and punch him lightly on the arm. He smiles. “Are Kirsch and Carmilla meeting you here?”_

_I sigh and lean against the wall, playing with the end of my dress. “Nah, Carmilla has to pick up her uh… friend, Ell and Kirsch is probably helping Will tie his tie or something, so we’re all gonna meet at the dance.”_

__

_He frowns a little but then offers me a soft chuckle. “Well, here’s thirty dollars so you guys can go out to eat afterwards but I want you home right after, all right?” He reaches into his wallet and pulls out a twenty and a ten. He hands it to me and I put it in my purse._

__

_“Of course, thanks, Dad. And I just wanted to -”_

__

**_Ding Dong_ **

_“Who in the name of God is here right now?” My Dad mutters, going to the door and pulling it open. My face lights up, braces and all._

__

_Kirsch, Will and Carmilla are standing there, in black tuxedos. But that’s not it, the thing that makes me tear up is the fact that Carmilla is wearing a tie and a boutonniere that matches my dress. “Someone order three best friends?”_

__

_I squeal and crush them in a group hug. Will winks at Carmilla. “Mr. Hollis, it’d be our pleasure to escort your wonderful daughter to the 9th grade formal, if you will?”_

__

_He laughs. “I think I’m completely okay with that,” he says, patting Carmilla on the back. Speaking of backs, she pulls something out behind hers and I gasp._

__

_It’s a freaking corsage. She grabs my wrist and slips it on._

__

_I glance behind Carm and Kirsch and Will are smirking. “Race you to the car?”_

__

_“You’re on!”_

__

_And then it’s just me, Carmilla and my Dad. “I have to grab something from my room, you wanna come?”_

__

_She nods. “Yeah, sure.”_

__

_We walk down the hallway and take a right. I open the door to my room and we walk in. I flip on the light and walk over to my dresser to get my student ID. I turn back around and look quizzically at her. “Why’d you come tonight? I thought you were going to the dance with Ell?”_

__

_She chuckles and shrugs. “We may have gotten into a fight because I may or may not have told her that there was someone important who didn’t have a date that I wanted to go pick up, instead of taking her to dinner.”_

__

_I open my mouth to talk, but I end up clearing my throat. “She’s your girlfriend, though I -”_

__

_She laughs. “I know, but you’re my best friend... who just happens to look really beautiful tonight. And besides, she has friends she was gonna go with anyway.”_

__

_I smile brightly and walk over to her and crush her in a hug. “Thank you, Carmilla.”_

__

_“You’re welcome,” she whispers. She pulls back and smirks. “Besides, there’s this dance I kind of want to show you.”_

__

_I let out a loud, sarcastic laugh. “You? Dancing? Sure, Carm…”_

__

_She winks at me. “I’m full of surprises, Laura.”_

__

We’re back in the truck now, still laughing over Carmilla and I trying to reenact what happened at Formal. I mean, everyone knows the song ‘cupid shuffle’, right? Well… Carmilla started it, but now there’s a new dance to that song called-

“The Hollstein shuffle, really though?” Kirsch laughs.

Yeah... it’s called that. And every time there’s a school dance, half of the kids that go request that song and we all end up looking like idiots on the dancefloor. “Hey, we’re popular now, right? So who cares?”

It was kind of true. We were known as the _Trio of Trouble_ even before the 9th grade formal. Still, at the high school the name floats around between everyone, even teachers. People don’t hate us though, at least… I don’t think. Surprisingly enough, Kirsch and I are pretty friendly with everyone, but, you know… Carm has her moments.

Kirsch starts his truck and backs out of the small parking lot, past the football field and out of the main parking lot. “You guys wanna get McDonald’s or something?”

“Yes!”

He gives us a look in his rearview mirror. “Savages,” he mutters and I laugh.

Carmilla intertwines our hands and then I’m not laughing anymore. “You’re sitting in the middle for once,” I say. She looks at me and smiles, nods and then rubs her thumb over the back of my hand.

“Yeah. Change is good though, right sweetheart?”

She’s smirking and I’m trying to control the blush that’s spreading across my face. I look at her and for a second I swear that there’s a glint of uncertainty in her eyes.

Almost like what just happened between us affected her too.

But, come on. It’s Carmilla we’re talking about, there’s no way she’s second guessing anything. She doesn’t even second guess her answers on tests.

Let alone girls.

**_1:41 am_ **

We get up to Kirsch’s room and take turns brushing our teeth and changing into our pajamas in his bathroom. I rinse my mouth and spit in the sink, slowly raising my head and looking in the mirror. I slowly grin. “I kissed Carmilla,” I whisper, grin widening.

_I freaking kissed Carmilla._

Something I’ve been wanting to do since the start of the summer between 8th and 9th grade. “I am a freaking legend,” I whisper, doing a little fist bump.

I let out a breath before turning on the water and gathering it in my hands and running it over my face. I grab a towel and wipe my face off before looking in the mirror again and taking a deep breath.

When I walk out of his bathroom, he and Carmilla are talking. “Hey cupcake, if it’s cool with you I was wondering if you wanted to sleep in the guest room with me? I just don’t wanna sleep on the floor tonight because my back’s killing me.”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s fine. Kirsch, you’re fine with that?”

He shrugs and opens his arms wide. “As long as I get hugs before you both leave.”

We roll our eyes but hug him anyway.

“Goodnight ladies,” he says, crawling under his covers.

“Goodnight!”

We walk down the hallway, down the stairs, into another hallway and then down into the basement. “Carm… you know there’s only one bed in the guest room, right…?”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “I know.”

“Um… no offence…” I trail off, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly, “...but where am I supposed to sleep then?”

Her mouth drops open in a disbelieving smirk and she’s shaking her head slightly. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?”

“Huh?”

“You’re gonna sleep with me,” she says and I blush. She throws a pillow at me. “Not like that! I mean… unless you want to -”

I throw the pillow back at her. “Okay, jeez! I get it.”

Her smirk widens. “So… is that a yes you want to sleep with me or a yes you want to sleep with me?”

I laugh and shove her. _“Carmilla!”_

She’s laughing too and I’m pretty sure I’m totally dead at this point.

_She’s beautiful._

She holds her hands up. “Alright, alright, sorry. Let’s just go to bed, okay?”

I’m shaking my head, a smile on my face because she’s so unbelievable sometimes, but it’s what I like most about her.

She runs into the room, and I’m assuming she jumps on the bed because I hear a loud creak. I roll my eyes playfully before following her into the room, and sure enough, there she is, under the blankets, holding the covers up with a smirk on her face. “You comin’ or what, cutie?”

I roll my eyes for like… the eightieth time tonight and climb into bed with her. I’m on my back, looking at the ceiling, but I can feel her staring at me. I turn my head to the right as a smile makes it’s way across my face. “What?” I ask lightly, moving onto my right side and propping my head up with my right hand.

She’s biting her lip.

_Stay calm, Hollis._

 

“Um… is it cool if I kiss you again?”

_Shit, nevermind... panic, panic, **panic.**_

My breath catches in my throat and she’s just kind of staring at my lips and crap.

_Say something??_

I nod.

And then she kisses me.

**_The next morning…_ **

**_11:11 am_ **

I open my eyes abruptly and Carmilla’s staring down at me, a smile on her face. “Make a wish, sweetheart.”

I glance at the clock behind her and smile. “I wish you’d take me for coffee.”

She bites her lip. “Done. You just have to get up.”

I’ve never gotten ready so fast in my life.

**_11:43 am_ **

When we get there, I’m a little disappointed because Kirsch and Will couldn’t come because they had “plans”, but the more I look at Carmilla, the more I’m happy that they’re not here right now. Because seriously, leather pants should be illegal.

We walk inside and a collective ‘hey guys’ comes from behind the counter. We smile. “Hey,” we say, going to our favorite table by the window in the corner. “Laura?”

My heart flutters in my chest. “Yeah?”

She clears her throat. “I just… I wanted to make sure of something,” she says, glancing out of the window. “You… I mean, you do like me right?”

I look down at my lap and play with my hands. “Uh… yeah.” I clear my throat again and look up to give her a reassuring smile before looking back down at my hands. “Do you, you know… like me too?”

She laughs and for a second my heart dies, but then she’s looking at me the way she looks at her motorcycle. And, even though that statement makes me laugh, it’s true.

She’s really loves her motorcycle.

“We sound like twelve year olds confessing their love for each other on the playground,” she says, looking at me incredulously. “And yeah, I do like you. I mean… that’s kind of why I kissed you.”

I scoff and wad up a napkin and throw it at her. “I was just checking!”

_“Hollis and Karnstein!”_

I let out a breath before I go to stand up to get our drinks. Carm stands up and holds her hand out, a smile on her face. “I got it.”

I smile and nod.

She comes back, hands me my drink and sits down. “So… I was wondering, are you doing anything tonight?”

I can’t help it. I laugh. “You, Kirsch and Will are really the only people I ever hang out with.”

“Right… sorry,” she says. I look at her and smile brightly. “So then, would you want to go on a date with me tonight?”

Oh my god.

_Oh my god._

Carmilla Karnstein just asked me on a date.

I’m totally screaming internally, in case you can’t tell. I’ve literally been waiting for this moment since the summer after 8th grade. Over three years. But, you know… Carmilla doesn’t need to know that right now.

Oh wait, I should probably say something, right?

_Crap. Say something, Hollis!_

“Uh… yes?”

She chuckles. “You don’t seem so sure there, cupcake.”

“No, no! I’m totally sure!” I say reassuringly. I take a drink of my iced coffee heaven and smile at her. “Where did you want to -”

Wait.

_A date_. _Tonight._

I was supposed to watch a movie with my Dad tonight. “Uh, whatcha thinkin’?”

I whine and press my cheek against the plastic cover on my coffee cup. “Carm, I’m really sorry but I promised that I’d stay home and watch a movie with my Dad and he doesn’t even know that I’m gay or that you’re gay and it’d just be super awkward for him to not know and -”

“So let’s go tell him.”

I sit up so straight my info tech teacher would have been so proud. “Uh, what?!”

She purses her lips and sighs. “Okay, okay, hear me out on this, alright? Let’s go have a talk with the big puppy and my unattractive brother -”

“You guys are twins…”

“Fraternal,” she says matter of factly. “But seriously, let’s go talk to those guys and see if they’re all up for coming out to your Dad.”

“Oh, no,” I whisper.

She smirks. “Oh, yes.”

I let out a huff. “Fine, but only because I think it’s fair that he should know and I… really want to go on a date with you.”

She smiles and stands up, walking around to my side of the table and holding my hand. She pulls me up with her, I grab my drink and then we’re heading for the door.

This might actually be a good idea.

**_3:13 pm_ **

Okay, nevermind... this is a really bad idea.

The four of us are parked in Kirsch’s truck in my driveway. “Should we get out…?”

“No,” I say, gripping my stomach. “If we move I think I might throw up.”

Will reaches back, then and unbuckles my seatbelt, giving me an encouraging smile. “Laura, it’s okay, you can do this.”

“Yeah, lil nerd! Your Dad loves you to death, it’s gonna be okay. We’ll all be okay.”

I nod and open my door. “Let’s do this then.”

We all get out and walk up to the door. I pull out my key, unlock it and we make our way inside, taking off our shoes and setting them on the mat. I take a deep breath. “Dad?” I call out.

“I’m in the basement, hold on kiddo!”

I hear heavy footsteps and then he comes into view, standing by the stairs in the living room.

“Oh, hey guys,” he offers, giving them a smile. “You guys want something to drink? I was just about to make lemonade.”

“Actually, Dad… you uh, you might want to sit down for this.”

He gives me a look and then jogs over to me, his hands on my face. “Are you guys okay?”

And then he’s gripping Will’s shoulders, turning him to the side, and looking Carmilla and Kirsch up and down. I put a hand on his shoulder, willing him to look me in the eyes. “We’re fine, Daddy. I just… well, we need to tell you something.”

He cocks his head a little but nods, waving us further inside and to the two couches and recliner chairs. My Dad takes his spot in his recliner while the four of us sit on the couch. “Sweetheart, you’re kind of worrying me…”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and open them again. “I’m gay.”

_“What?”_

“I’m gay, too,” Kirsch says.

“I’m also gay,” Will chimes in.

“As am I,” Carmilla adds. “...gay, I mean. I’m gay, too.”

“You’re all gay?”

We nod.

He lets out a huge sigh. _“Oh, thank god.”_

_“What?!”_

He stands up, a smile on his face and I feel like I might just faint. “Now I don’t have to worry about any of you becoming teen parents,” he says. “And besides, I kind of knew anyways. I mean, Laura, you never talked about boys unless it was Kirsch, and Kirsch never talked about girls unless it was you or Carmilla, and well, Carmilla you call girls ‘cutie’, and Will… you wear a gay pride sweatshirt.” He laughs. “You guys weren’t exactly subtle about it. I mean, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions in case I was wrong, but here we are.”

Kirsch raises his hand. “Jack?”

“What’s up, kid?”

“Will and I are uh… kind of dating.”

A small smile grows across his face. “Really? That’s awesome, you guys.”

“Really?” Will asks.

My Dad nods, smile turning into a smirk. “Again, not exactly subtle.”

They both let out a breath. “Thanks, Jack,” they say.

Carmilla turns to them, “Okay, I’m happy for you guys, but could you go wait out in the car? We want to have some… girl talk.”

They nod right away and stand up, Kirsch taking Will’s hand. “Thanks again, Jack,” Kirsch says and my Dad smiles and nods before they disappear out of the front door.

“Mr. Hollis, your daughter is a loser -”

He laughs, I hit her on the arm and she smirks.

“...however, she is talented academically, athletically, musically and mentally. She’s funny, smart, and _annoying_ , but, I really like her. And, I just want your permission. If it’s okay with you,” she takes my hand, “I would like to take Laura on a date tonight.”  

I look at him and oh god.

He’s crying.

“Daddy…”

“I’m sorry,” he says, wiping his tears with the collar of his shirt. “I wouldn’t want her going on a date with anyone but you, Carmilla.”

I don’t even bother to hide my smile.

**/ / /**

You wanna know what’s weird?

Walking into your high school, holding hands with your…

Well, she’s not my girlfriend, at least, not yet.

_Anyways_ , my point here is that it’s weird to walk into the main lobby of your own high school and having everyone stare at me and my friends because I’m holding hands with Carmilla and Will is holding hands with Kirsch.

It’s literally dead silent.

And I’m starting to sweat.

_Sorry, Carmilla._

__

I’m literally about to bolt, but Carmilla tightens her grip on my hand.

_“About damn time!”_

And then everyone starts cheering. “Are you kidding me? This is not an MTV show!”

And then I’m laughing because Carmilla really, _really_ hates MTV shows. But then someone gives her a high five and she doesn’t seem like she’s sulking too much, so I guess I can’t complain. Kirsch and Will go off to talk to their football buddies, which is totally okay because apparently _‘bro’s except bro’s no matter what’_ , may or may not be their punchline that they’ll be using for the next however many weeks.

Carm and I walk down the hall to go to our locker, and I look at her questioningly. “Okay… so exactly how do people know that we’re uh... dating?”

She smirks. “Will and I may or may not have changed you and Kirsch’s relationship status to ‘in a relationship’.”

I give her a look.

“But hey, we didn’t put names, I guess people just aren’t blind or stupid. Whadda y’know?”

I squeeze her hand. “Be nice.”

She gives me a look. “Whatever.”

I finish putting my books and supplies in my locker because everyone knows that teachers don’t actually start teaching on the first day of school.

But then there’s Carmilla.

Who brought nothing but her backpack and an unsharpened pencil. “Please tell me you have school supplies,” I say, leaning against our locker and letting my head rest on it.

She shrugs and entwines our hands again, giving me a smirk as she lightly pushes me up against the lockers. “And what if I didn’t?”

I shake my head. “Then I guess _someone_ -”

_“Carmilla.”_

Oh god no please _no._

Carmilla pulls back from me with a sigh, only releasing one of my hands. _“Ell,”_ she spits out coldly. “And her little gang of lack wits.”

Ell smiles and flips some hair over her shoulder. “Hi Laura,” she says condescendingly.

“Hi,” I mutter.

She turns to her friends, two on either side of her and then turns back to us and smiles so sarcastically it makes my stomach churn. “So, ‘Hollstein’ is finally together, huh?”  

“Fuck you.”

Ell laughs and… has she always been this pretty?

Whatever, I don’t like her, so I don’t care. “Don’t live in the past, _babe_.”

I’m looking at Carmilla and her eye twitches.

This is gonna get real bad real freaking fast.

I tug on her hand to try to get her to walk in the opposite direction. “Come on, she’s not worth it.”

She growls, literally _growls_ at Ell before walking with me down the hall.

Honestly though, I don’t see why Ell even bothers. It’s not like Carmilla broke up with her, Ell broke up with Carmilla. Which I guess is why Carm hates her so much. It’s weird though, even after Ell broke up with her in the middle of the summer between Sophomore and Junior year, she’d never talked about it.

Which I guess is understandable when you show up at your best friends house in pajamas and the three of you end up eating ice cream and frosting all night.

That was the only time I’d seen Carmilla cry. Ever. I mean, except for when the seven of us watched the notebook.

But… it’s definitely not a sight I want to see again.

Besides, her smile is so much better.

**_Saturday: 6:31 pm_ **

Turns out that I like kissing.

Carmilla and I have kissed eighteen times since last Saturday. And it’s something that I can’t help but smile about. Plus, we have a date again tonight, which totally ups the smiling factor.

Like, seriously? I can’t believe this is actually happening.

I’m dating Carmilla Karnstein.

My crush since the end of 8th grade. My best friend.

Oh, wait.

_My best friend._

...What if we don’t work out? What if this ruins our friendship? What if she never talks to me again and what if Kirsch and Will and their Mom’s hate me because I -

“Laura?”

I snap my head up. “What?”

My Dad raises an eyebrow. “Sweetie, you look like you’re not breathing, are you okay?”

I laugh… maybe a little too loudly and my Dad gives me a look. I sigh deeply. “Dad, Carmilla and I are best friends. What if… you know, what if this whole dating thing doesn’t work out? Do you think we’ll still be friends? Because, like, I don’t know, you know how the movies and the books and even real life are right? A couple breaks up and then they say they’re going to stay friends but then everything is super awkward and then they never talk and oh my god that’s so gonna happen Dad, what do I even -”

_“Laura!”_

I stop and look at him.

“Breathe, okay?” he says, coming over to sit next to me on the couch. “That’s not going to happen with you and Carmilla. You guys have been friends for over three years.”

I let out a breath. “You really don’t think that’ll happen?”

He smiles reassuringly. “I know it won’t.”

My phone vibrates. He smiles at me again before getting up and returning to washing the dishes.

I pick up my phone. It’s a message from Carmilla.

_hey kiddo, so I’m gonna have to cancel our date for tonight. I’m sorry. but we do need to talk so, I’ll come over tomorrow, okay?_

I frown but shrug and text her back.

_Hey no, that’s totally fine :) Is everything okay?_

I hit send and wait. She texts back right away.

_yeah yeah, everything’s fine. there’s just some stuff I forgot I have to help my mom with tonight_

I smile as I text back.

_Look at you being sweet and helping your mom ;)_

I wait for her response and jump a little when the little ding goes off.

_-_- bye laura_

I laugh.

_Bye grumpy!_

I slip my phone back in my pocket and walk out into the kitchen. “You want me to finish the dishes for you?”

He turns around and flips the towel over his shoulder. “Don’t you have a date to get ready for?”

I snatch the towel and smirk at him. “Not anymore.”

He snatches the towel back. “Aww, come on! What happened?”

I shrug and start washing the dishes. “Dad, gross this water smells like a -”

He cocks his head. “Watch it, young lady.”

“...absolutely nothing.”

He smiles sarcastically. “Nice save. Now, you gonna tell your old man what happened?” He jumps up and sits on the counter, swinging his feet.

I roll my eyes.

He’s such a kid sometimes. “Nothing happened, Carm just had some stuff to do for her Mom tonight.”

“I’m sorry, Laur.”

I smirk. “Think I can’t go one day without Carmilla?”

He laughs tightly and I glance at him.

“What?”

He waves a hand at me, sighing deeply. “It’s just… well, your mother… she cancelled a date on me once and I completely freaked out. You know me, I was wonked about it, thinking that she didn’t want to see me anymore or that she was seeing someone else,” he laughs sadly.

My chest tightens a little. “Dad…”

He purses his lips. “We never talk about her, and for that I’m truly sorry for. It’s just really hard sometimes to -”

“Hey, it’s fine, Dad. I know it’s hard for you, that’s why I don’t ever bring her up. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”

He gives me a diluted smile. “Thanks, kiddo.”

I put the last dish on the drying rack and throw the soggy towel at him. “Wanna go get some coffee?”

He raises an eyebrow, jumping down from the counter and picking up the dish rag. “I thought you didn’t really like coffee…”

I shrug. “I mean, it’s okay... but Carmilla and John came up with this absolutely _amazing_ iced coffee drink thing and it’s pretty awesome. I think you’d like it,” I say, poking him in the shoulder.

He ruffles my hair. “Alright, fine, fine, we’ll go.”

I squeal and give him a tight hug. “You’ll love it, promise!”

**_7:44 pm_ **

****

My Dad parallel parks… perfectly, which I groan about, but get out of the car nonetheless because I’ve been craving my drink from the highest highs of heaven for the past 24 hours. “You are such a perfectionist.”

“And you aren’t?” he teases.

_He’s got you there._

We walk in and up to the counter. I frown a little because John’s not here, but it’s not like everyone else are strangers.

Jamie comes up to the register. She smiles. “Same for you, Hollis?”

I nod and smile back at her. “Make that two, I kind of want to get my Dad hooked.”

She nods towards him. “Mr. Hollis,” she says politely.

“Hi, Jamie, how are you?”

She purses her lips and laughs a little. “Well, works a pain in my butt and I spilled boiling hot coffee on myself earlier. So, not too bad.”

“Oh my god, are you okay?” I ask. She waves me off.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll have your drink ready in 2,” she says before giving us another small smile and walking to the back counter.

A minute and 3 seconds later, _not that I was counting_ , she comes back and hands us the drinks.

“There you two are.”

“Thanks,” I say, dropping some money in the tip jar.

She puts a hand on my arm. “Hey, Hollis. How come you didn’t come with Karnstein? You guys okay?”

I raise an eyebrow. “Yes…” I drawl out. “And Carm’s not here because she has stuff to do for her Mom tonight or something.”

Her eyebrows draw together. “Hate to break it to you Hollis but… Karnstein _is_ here. She’s over in the corner, behind the wall with… I don’t know, I’ve never really seen her before.”

I give her a look but shrug.

Guess I’ll go say hi. “Thanks, Jamie.” She smiles and I hand one of the drinks to my Dad before weaving through some tables and taking a sharp right, making sure not to…

_What the hell?_

It’s Carmilla and… and _Ell._

Carmilla’s back is facing me and Ell looks up briefly and raises an eyebrow, a quick smirk flashing across her face. And then she leans forward and kisses Carmilla.

And she kisses her back.

I feel my heart cave in on itself and before I can stop it, a choking sob rips out of my mouth.

_“Carmilla!”_ My Dad yells.

They pull back and she turns around and pushes her chair back quickly. “Laura…”

I shake my head, taking a deep shaky breath before turning and walking out of the coffee shop.

_No._

My Dad’s on my heels. “I’m gonna go get the car, I’ll be right back.”

And then he’s bolting down the street.

“Laura!”

I turn around, fuming. “What Carmilla? What could you _possibly_ want?”

She takes a step towards me and I use my free hand and hold it out in front of me.

_“No,”_ I grit out. “Don’t _fucking touch me_.”

She lips her lips. “Laura… I-I’m sorry, I told you I had to talk to you and.. and -”

I don’t think twice about it. I pop the lid off of my Venti sized iced coffee heaven, that now somehow reminds me of hell, and throw it in her face.

My Dad honks and I turn on my heels. “Laura _please_ I -”

I turn back around sharply. _“I hate you.”_

__

And the look of pure sadness that crosses over her face makes my tears fall that much harder. But, right now, I don’t care. I turn around and get in my Dad’s car, not giving her another look.

When I get home, I don’t even go up to my room to cry. I just turn to my Dad. “Can Kirsch come pick me up?”

My lips quivering and he pulls me in to a tight hug. “Of course, honey. You can spend the night too, if you want. As long as you come home and talk to me about this, alright?”

I nod against his chest, squeezing my eyes shut. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, Laura. So much.”

**_9:20 pm_ **

I’m sitting in Kirsch’s truck, resting my head against the window. “Did you bring the stuff?”

“Yes,” he says. “Are you going to buckle up?”

I laugh dryly. “What are the chances I’ll die if I don’t?”

He sighs and reaches over me, grabs the seat belt and clicks it in place.

My phone vibrates again. I open the messages

_Laura, please talk to me. I need to explain._

__

_I’m so sorry, Laura. Please just… let me talk to you._

__

_Please, Laura. I can’t lose you. I’m sorry._

I press the power button on my phone and hold it down before shoving it back in my pocket. “I uh… didn’t know exactly what piece you wanted me to bring so I brought my bong, pipe and some blunt wraps.”

“And the cookie flavored vodka?”

“Yeah, man. And… if it makes you feel better, Will and I got into a fight.”

I laugh quietly. “Why would that make me feel better, idiot?”

He shrugs and starts his truck. “I don’t know, so we can talk about how weird the Karnstein’s are or something?”

“Whatever, let’s just go get fucked up.”

**_10:39 pm_ **

Okay, okay. So maybe smoking three bowls, two blunts and having five shots of absolute heaven is a really, really, really bad idea.

Still a better idea than _her._

But, you want to know what’s reeeeeally funny?

I don’t actually hate her!

“Laura…”

Oh, yeah. Kirsch and Will fought over me and her. Apparently Kirsch called Carmilla the following list of names:

_Asshole_

__

_Rude ass bitch_

__

_Cheater_

__

_Worst bro ever_

And, very, very recently:

_Dickbutt_

Which Kirsch and I are still laughing over because oh my god.

_Fucking dickbutt._

**_10:45 pm_ **

Scratch laughing.

Crying is where it’s at, amiright?

Kirsch is down stairs in the kitchen trying to make cookies… I think.

I don’t remember because I’m looking at his blurry star covered ceiling. Blurry, courtesy of _my freaking tears._

I miss her. I know I said it, but I don’t hate her. I could absolutely positively never hate Carmilla Karnstein.

The things she makes me feel are indescribable. She’s my home away from home. My rock, my anchor, my crush, my best friend, the reason I stay up on school nights smiling in the darkness, the reason that I find something to smile about during math class. She’s the reason I got sent to the principal's office Junior year for standing up for something that she said that was not exactly right, but not exactly wrong either.

The reason that I didn’t finish my english test freshman year because I was too busy thinking about how she kissed my cheek after Formal on my porch. She’s the only reason for me finding myself. In a different way than anyone could ever. The reason I stayed up for over 29 hours in a hospital room because she just had to go and break her wrist trying to skateboard.

She’s the reason I smile. The reason I cry. The reason I want to live.

_She’s the reason._

Oh no.

I get up, slowly and make my way downstairs. I stumble a few times but make it into the kitchen. He has oven mitts on and he’s staring at me. “What?”

I look him dead in the eye.

“I think I’m in love with Carmilla.”

**_The next morning…_ **

“Hey… Laura, wake up.”

I groan and shove my face further into…

_Jesus… what the hell?_

I open my eyes and slowly push myself up. I was sleeping on a bed of Apples to Apples cards. Not both colors, nope, just the green ones. “You should uh… probably shower before I take you back. I, well… you kind of smell like weed and alcohol and you have mac and cheese in your hair.”

I pick a crispy noodle out of my hair. “What even happened last night?”

He shrugs and hands me a glass of water and two tylenol. “Dude, hell if I know. That’s the hardest I’ve gotten wrecked in my life.”

Great.

**_2:10 pm_ **

When I get back to my house, Kirsch gets out and jogs over to my side. He opens my door but then open the back door, grabbing my backpack. He hands it to me and smiles… sadly? “The rest of the vodka’s in your backpack. It’s your favorite so I thought you might want it.”

I climb out of his truck and he pulls me into a hug. “Be careful, okay? And call me if you need anything, please?”

I nod against his chest. “Thank you Kirsch.”

He pulls back, his hands resting on my shoulders, giving me a small smile. “Anytime bro.”

He hops back in his truck and we wave at each other before I walk towards my front door.

Time to face my Dad, I guess.

**_6:01 pm_ **

So… talking to my Dad wasn’t so bad. I mean, I cried and he was still furious with Carmilla, but, you know… it went better than expected.

I’m obviously not taking this whole thing very well though. I mean… I haven’t turned on my phone, I’m sitting in the dark and  I’ve been listening to _It’s gonna be me_ by _Nsync_ on repeat for a good half hour.

**_Knock knock_ **

I sigh and push the covers off my legs and walk over to my window. “Kirsch, I told you, next time just use the front -” I release the shade and it flies up. “- door.”

_“Um… could you let me in? I kind of already fell once and don’t really want to -”_

I pull the shade back down again and walk back to my bed.

_“Laura!”_

I reach over and turn up my music. At least my Dad went to go grocery shopping; he’d kill me if he ever heard me playing my music this loud.

**_Knock_ **

****

**_Knock_ **

****

**_Knock_ **

And, see… this is the thing that’s irritating me. Her knocking. They’re not huge forceful knocks like she would usually do; they’re tiny little pebble-hitting-the-ground knocks and for some stupid reason, it kind of makes my heart ache. _“Cupcake, please just let me in.”_

I grit my teeth because no I’m not about to cry again. Especially not in front of her. I get up, walk over, pull up the shade and slide my window up.

She looks at me and I gasp. “Wait, you actually fell?!”

She shrugs and then winces. “Maybe you should have stayed in your old room.”

I scoff and walk over to my dresser, pulling open the bottom drawer and getting out my first aid kit. “Sit,” I command, pointing to my bed.

I sit next to her and pull out the hydrogen peroxide, gauze, ointment, bandaids and some medical tape. “I forgot you had that thing.”

I sigh and look her over.

She has a cut on her forehead and a few scrapes on her arms, but besides her ripped flannel and the twigs in her hair, she looks fine.

I clean and bandage up the cuts. “How drunk did you and Kirsch get last night?”

I raise an eyebrow. “How drunk did _you_ get last night?”

She shrugs. “I thought _I_ was drunk. But then you kept updating your snapchat story and… I was overruled.”

Woah, hold up. “What snapchat story?”

She raises an eyebrow at me this time and pulls out her phone from the back of her black skinny jeans. She launches the snapchat app and goes to my story.

And there Kirsch and I are, hairbrushes in our hands, mac and cheese in our hair and me in nothing but a coconut bra and… surprise, Carmilla’s old purple flannel.

__

_Oh no._

_“A world that’s upside down, and spinning faster. What do I do now without you?”_

She sucks in a breath. “There’s more.”

_“Which road should I take? Right or left? It’s like nothing works without you…”_

For being drunk, Kirsch and I were pretty good singers.

Not that the above statement makes anything less mortifying, but hey, I guess you could say that it helps.

__

_“Did… did you guys know my best friend Carmilla?”_

__

_“Well, fuck… fuck her! And her stupid pretty brown eyes…”_

And then there’s a five second clip of me eating what looks like frozen pizza whilst crying.

_“She told me I was b-beaut...ful and then kissed another girl!”_

__

_I sigh. “All these fucking dick fuckers little bitch ass tiddy -”_

_“All you fuckers!” Kirsch cheers behind me and takes a drink from the bottle. “True that, Hollis!”_

_“Watch out for the Karnstein’s! Watch out for the Karnstein’s! Watch out fo -”_

And then it’s just a bunch of quotes. _“You look really beautiful tonight.” -CK_

_“Cupcake, you’re killing me.” -CK_

__

_“I’ll love you forever, probably, you idiot.” -CK_

__

And then it’s just Kirsch and I singing some Avril Lavigne, Oasis, The Fray, OneRepublic, and Kelly Clarkson songs.

She clicks the off button on her phone and sets it on the bed. “I’m not even going to ask you to delete it because, honestly… I deserved all of that, and more.”

I sigh. “Hey -”

“No, no… let me finish.” She clears her throat. “Ell and I dated for over two years, and when she broke up with me I… took it a lot harder than expected. And, I swore I was over her, but then yesterday she messaged me to come pick her up so we could talk and I stupidly went over to her house, picked her up and… I wasn’t going to take her to our coffee place, I wasn’t… but she really wanted to go there so I took her. And… and then we talked and she said that she missed me and that she had for a while and… I don’t know. I-I realized that I missed her too and that I was just being an asshole about it and trying to hide my feelings and -”

“Holy crap, breathe! You sound like me…”

She shakes her head and takes a huge breath. “And… we talked for a really long time there, probably up towards three hours and then she ended up wanting to get back together and I just panicked because I didn’t want to lose her again, but I kept thinking about you and… I made a mistake by taking her back like that. And, I’ll never be more sorry for anything in my life for what I did to you yesterday,” she licks her lips. “I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me right now, or ever but… I miss you, and I know that’s not enough, I know it, And I know I fucked up completely -”

I put a hand on her shoulder. “Dude.”

She nods. “Right, sorry. I just… I’m not picking Ell over you, I’m not, I’m not, I’m _not_. That’s kind of the reason I came here, to ask you. I won’t go back to being her girlfriend if you’re not okay with it, whether we’re friends or not. I just, can’t be happy knowing that I hurt you so much.”

I don’t even realize I’m crying until a tear drops on the back of my hand. “Carmilla Karnstein… you big freaking sap,” I choke out, wiping at my eyes. “I can’t forgive you right now, but, yes, you can get back together with Ell because, whether any of us believe it or not, your happiness is my happiness.”

_She’s crying._

“Sorry can’t even define -”

_She’s crying, she’s crying, she’s **crying.**_

“I know.”

And then, we’re walking down the stairs, out of the front door and across the street to her motorcycle. “Do you uh… think Kirsch will forgive me? I kind of miss him already…”

I shrug. “Eventually, yes.”

And she looks like she’s about to say something, so I pull her into a hug.

It’s the most depressing hug I’ll ever give or get. We pull back and she gets on her motorcycle, starting the engine. “I’ll see you in History…” she thinks for a moment, “... and AP Physics, and PE, and Calculus and -”

I shake my head, a smile on my face so small you’d need a magnifying glass for the rest of the world to see. But, I know she sees it, and that’s all that matters to me. “Bye, Carmilla.”

“...see you, Laura.”

And when she finally does drive away, I don’t even bother going back to my yard, I just collapse on my back in my neighbor's grass and stare at the cloudy sky.

I’m seventeen and I think I just had my midlife crisis.

But I smile because I’m pretty sure we just handed it like adults.

And then I think…

_Almost adults._

_Not quite._

**_Three months later…_ **

****

“Alright, class today we’re going to finish first semester with -”

Ms. Anderson sighs.

“- Ell can you _please_ go sit in your seat and not on Carmilla’s lap?”

“Agreed,” Carmilla whispers, bending her back over her chair to smirk at me.

Ell gets up and pulls Carmilla up by her shirt and I roll my eyes, as does almost everyone else in the room. I mean, who would have guess that Ell was such an asshole?

_No one, right?_

__

Mhm...

But, on the brightside, Carmilla, Kirsch , Will and I have been on more friendly terms, thanks to Danny, LaF and Perry.

Which I have to thank them for because I missed my best friends.

Speaking of which, Kirsch nudges me. “You let that happen, you know.”

I kick the leg of his chair. “Shut up, Kirschy boy.”

**_5:09 pm_ **

**_Knock Knock_ **

I shut my laptop and slide off my bed, padding over to my window and lifting the shade. _“Hi, gonna let me in?”_

I roll my eyes, but smile as I slide the window up, letting Carmilla land on my floor.

Which, I had redone.

New carpet and everything. It’s pretty awesome. “Guess what I just did.”

We walk over and collapse on my bed, staring at my fake star and fake planet covered ceiling, all thanks to Carmilla’s obsession over space and such. “Killed someone?”

She shrugs. “Probably.”

I laugh.

“Okay, no seriously, what’d you do?”

I turn my head to look at her and she’s grinning so wide, anyone would assume she’s on hard drugs.

“...Carm, what’d you do?”

“I broke up with Ell.”

**_Six months later…_ **

It’s the day after Graduation, which means that we’ve all completed high school. And what better way to celebrate than sitting in a decked out garage with your six best friends, passing around two blunts, a bottle of something and playing a drinking game?

The answer is nothing.

And besides, as much as I hate to say it… Carmilla breaking up with Ell six months ago was probably the best thing to ever happen to a group of friends in the history of ever. “So… why _did_ you break up with Ell?” Danny asked, taking a swig from the bottle.

__

Carmilla shrugs and takes a hit. “She was literally crazy.”

We laugh and she shakes her head slowly and dramatically.

“No, you guys like… I was concerned for her mental health at every turn.”

We laugh louder. “It just took you three months to notice or care?”

She chuckles. “Oh, no. I noticed, I just didn’t care until it was a little too late.”

Perry takes a hit off the blunt and starts coughing vigorously.

LaF and Perry have been dating since freshman year, basically, but Perry didn’t ask LaFontaine out for real until the start of senior year. Which was a relief, because seriously… what took them so long? Will throws her a bottle of water and she basically chugs it down.

I can’t help but smile. But then I notice Carmilla’s staring at me, with a smirk on her face and I blush. “What?” I ask, a smile making its way onto my face.

She stands up from her lawn chairs and offers me her hand. I look around and everyone’s either smirking, smiling or doing some stupid hand motion, so I take her hand and she pulls me up and then out of the garage.

“Where are we -”

“Shh,” she says, pulling me around to the side of the garage.

We’re both leaning against the structure and I’m raising an eyebrow at her. “Um…?”

“So… you know how after that night at the coffee shop, I kind of broke my phone and lost like half my stuff on it but still kept using it?”

I nod sarcastically. “Like the idiot that you are, yes of course.”

She rolls her eyes and pulls her phone out from her sweatpants pocket. “Well… you know how I just got this new one last night?”

I nod, not knowing exactly where she was going with this, because, let’s be honest… where does Carmilla ever go with her stupid little tangents? “Yes?”

“Well… apparently there’s this cool thing called iCloud that saves all your stuff the moment it comes on your phone so… when I got this one last night, I signed in and all my old stuff got put on my new phone,” she takes a breath and twirls the phone in her fingers. “Anyway… you remember that night after the coffee shop when we both got -”

“Super wasted, yes…” I motion for her to keep going. She takes a deep breath.

“Okay, whatever, anyway… I was going through our messages from that night because half of them I couldn’t read all this time and well… I’ll just show you.”

She runs her finger over the screen, scrolling up through the messages. She lets out a huge breath and hands the phone over to me.

**_From Cupcake, August 26, 2016:_** _I’m in love with you._

The color drains from my face.

I never remembered anything from that night, no matter how hard Kirsch and I tried… there was always just nothing. “Um… l-look… that was… I mean, psst, that was a long time ago and… and, haha it just -”

Sometimes I ramble a lot, but usually not when someone is kissing me.

Not like I’m complaining.

She pulls back and opens her eyes slowly and,

_Wow, is it hot out here or what?_

“I mean… I don’t know how you feel now, but… I’m in love with you, Laura. I have been for a while, I think. But… you know me, always so stubborn and -”

“Shut up, Carmilla,” I say before grabbing the back of her neck and crushing our lips together, and yeah, maybe I used tongue because, if I remember right, that usually shuts her up pretty fast.

Her hands find my waist and then I’m gently pushing her against the side of the garage, both of my hands cupping her face.

_“Hey, guys! Where’d you go?! Perry’s about to roll her first blunt!”_

We pull back and rest our foreheads together. I chuckle and look to my right, seeing Kirsch’s shadow peeking over the corner. “Guess that’s our cue, huh?”

She hums and grips my hands. “I guess,” she says, before tugging me back towards the garage door. “Come on, don’t want to miss Perr failing horribly at something for once.”

I laugh. “Very true.”

Surprisingly enough, it only takes Perry two tries to roll a smokable blunt, and we all clap. LaF raises their cup in the air. “To Perry’s first blunt roll and to us finally and officially making it out of high school.”

I raise Carmilla and I’s entwined hands in the air, and the rest raise either a bottle or a lighter and it’s completely stupid, but it’s great.

So… yeah, I guess people aren’t lying when they say senior year is rough. Not that it’s official or anything, but there’s kind of a saying at our school, literally regarding anything: _All or Nothing._

Sometime you give it your all and get nothing, and sometimes you give nothing and get it all.

And I’m sitting here, smiling so widely at my friends that my cheeks are hurting. I realize that, we didn’t give it our all and get nothing, and we didn’t give nothing and get it all.

We gave it our all and got everything.

And if that’s not a fucking win, then I really don’t know what is.

****  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> took me forever to write this piece of shit. holy crap. 
> 
> I don't know about you guys, but I plan on going on with series until I literally can not write anymore because this shit is kind of fun.


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